I recently met a woman who clearly wants to be friends. She’s 45-ish, married, with 2 kids, a girl, 11, and a boy,15, lives in a v nice middle-class to wealthy suburb. She drives a late-model Golf, & her husband has a small collection of vintage cars.

When I visited her place I got a shock: There was rubbish, clothing, toys, DVDs, and all sort of junk scattered from the entrance hall, all over the entire house. The kitchen was indescribably messy. The only way to walk around was to step over and around piles of junk. There was nowhere to sit as every chair was piled high with junk, or in extremely poor repair.

She & her husband acted as if everything were normal.

I immediately thought she/they must have obsessive/compulsive disorder, as I’ve seen cases like this on TV, where people can’t let go of any of their junk, end up keeping all of it & being overwhelmed by it

It freaked me out. How can I gently but firmly make clear I can’t be friends?
1. I said "she/they", because they are obviously both part of the problem.

2. Their son goes to the same school as my kid – the boys made friends and that’s how we met. So I can’t avoid her indefinitely.

3. I suspect she is NOT "happy with her life" and hopes I can help her. But I can’t.
Most of you don’t get it. This is not simple untidiness, this is pathological. I don’t mind untidiness – in fact I feel uncomfortable in too-perfect homes.
Thanks so much, Cherry [you REALLY "get it"!], Michael, Jenny, Thing and Vintner…. Also "Stonecold" – you are right that they can afford to replace things – this is NOT about poverty. They have lots of good electronic gadgets, and the kids are not deprived. They are nice kids… but the parents are too weird for me.